Ownership

 ‘You can’t have that. That belongs to me’.  This is a statement said by small children when they first start playing with other children.  Mind you, some of them pick up another child’s toy and says the same thing.  Ownership is very important, and giving it up can be a hard lesson to learn.

We start teaching children by telling them to share, and as long as the child gets the toy back, they are more prepared to share in future.  I’ve watched the faces of children who are handing over a toy for someone else to play with for the first time.  They watch the other child carefully and are ready to snatch the item back as soon as possible.

If you were brought up in a large family, then sharing would have been part of your life.  Especially with hand me down toys.  But most small children go through the same watchfulness when handing a new toy over, usually for a birthday or Christmas present. 

As we grow older, we aim for bigger and greater things.  If you have received it as a gift, depending on what it is, maybe it doesn’t mean as much to you.  I always tell older people to give away some of their important personal things to their children or grandchildren for important occasions, telling them that it is an heirloom and has to be looked after.  Too many personal things left to people in a will mean nothing to the recipient, whereas if Grandma or Grandad was there when the person received it, there would have been more understanding as to why it should be looked after. 

Possession is nine tenths of the law.  All this means is, if it is in your possession then there is more recognition that you own it.  For someone else to claim ownership they would need to have a very persuasive proof.  For instance, I have heard many people say that someone has been told so and so had left the item to them in the will.  OK if it is written in the will, but generally the person claiming the item, has had verbal information that so and so was leaving the item to them, but strangely enough another member of the family has the item.  And, guess what?  They are not the person with the item isn’t going to hand it over to the person claiming they should have it.  It would have been much better if the person who died had given away the item before they died.  Believe me there have been many, many occasions, when someone has died and certain members of the family have gone into the property and taken all the valuable items before the Executors of the Will arrives to sort things out.

Taking objects from people who have died, is one thing, but when it comes to possessions such as property then lawyers and sometimes judges are required to sort out the problem.  I have heard of children squabbling over the ownership of a house, because the child that has looked after the parent in that house has claimed ownership. Mum or Dad always told them it would be that child’s when they died, but the will stated the benefits received from the sale of the property should be divided between all the children.  These sorts of things become a legal nightmare. Especially when it was the family home, and a large house, which when sold would generate a large amount of money.  If there are only two children, then the amount of money from the sale would probably help the child who looked after Dad or Mum to purchase an apartment.  But when there are three or more children, that child still living in the property and refusing to move because It’s Mine, can make it very difficult.  And this is because the share that each child would receive would not be enough for that child who says they own the property to buy somewhere else to live.

But what does it mean to own something, say like a painting, which is worth a lot of money?  I am not so sure that after a while of ownership it would mean anything to you.  Take the situation of an engagement ring.  Many ladies receive a ring when they get engaged and, on most occasions, it has a diamond setting.  As a young girl she shows it off all the time, and even looks at it regularly.  She and/or the fiancé saved up a lot of money to purchase the ring, and she always gets a thrill when showing it to friends and relatives and when she washes her hands.  Now, fast forward a few years.  The couple have been married say ten years, and they have three children.  She still wears the engagement ring, but its novelty has worn off.  It is just part of her jewellery.  The lady would be devastated if she lost the ring or it got stolen.  Not because it was expensive but for emotional reasons.  It was her engagement ring.  That was the important part.  As it was a diamond setting it is now probably worth more than when purchased, so there is also a monetary loss   But, the lady has become used to the ring.  It is just her engagement ring.  Nothing more and nothing less.  I think ownership or anything eventually has the same effect on people as the lady with the engagement ring.  One gets used to it, and the thrill that was there when purchased is not the same.  It is still a lovely, expensive ring but until someone wants to take it away from you, it’s just another ring.

Ah, but that is when ownership raises its head.  It’s mine. In the case of the painting on the wall all of a sudden it becomes important again.  How dare anyone try and take something belonging to me?  But two seconds ago, it was just another painting hanging on the wall.  Now, all of a sudden it is your treasured possession.  What happened?

Everything you own becomes part of your life.  When someone comes along and breaks, steals or borrows it, that changes that items status.  It doesn’t matter how much you paid for it, because it is yours it is important.  And unless you give it away, then it is yours and no one else’s. 

So where does this end?  Treasure what you have while you have it.  Don’t hide it away.  Show it off to the world.  If it is important, especially an historic item that should belong to the world, then work out how to pass it on to a museum or Gallery.  We are fortunate to have Museums and Galleries where we can see beautiful works of art or historic documents that explain what happened way back when.  You don’t have a habit of regularly visiting such places?  Considering most Museums and Galleries are financed in some ways by tax payers’ money, what is inside is part owned by you.  Go along and see them.  And enjoy these magnificent items owned by us. 

Julie Finch-Scally ©