“Manners maketh the man”. A statement used in the movie The Kingsman. It was a lovely scene where Colin Firth throws the locks on the door of the pub with the handle of his umbrella. Collects a glass of beer with the handle and flicks it back right into the face of the upstart who was being rude. Then proceeds to single handedly knock out the rest of the crew. Great fun. But what about that word Manners? What is so important about the word?
When I was young, manners were important. It showed you had breeding and respect. It also earnt you respect. Now a days I wonder if it is so important, but because of the manners I am used to using, people treat me differently. It is though they know I have class. That is a terrible word to use, but useful on this occasion, because it is as if, I belong to a different set of people. Of course, I don’t anymore than anyone else, but it allows me to stand tall and talk with knowledge.
There was a lady in Sydney, June Dally-Watkins, who had been a famous model in the Australian fashion industry when she was young. Her mother had always told her to stand tall, and made sure June knew how to address people, how to dress and walk. When June retired from the fashion industry she started a Fashion Agency, and set up a school where she taught Etiquette, Personal Development and Presentation, which included deportment, manners and self confidence in any company. The school was very successful; it is still running in Sydney even though June died a few years ago.
There is another side to this story. As China started to change, more and more of the population found work, received a good salary, and changed society. A middle class developed, and many families became important and had to mix with important people from other countries. This new class of society did not have the skills to mix with westerners, especially the wives and daughters of the important males. Who came to their rescue? Why June Dally-Watkins. She went to China and ran the same classes she had set up in Sydney, and was a great success. So were the ladies she taught. They all understood how manners and deportment along with etiquette gave them self-confidence, and they were able to stand tall amongst any other nation’s important personnel.
This little tale shows how important manners are, and the confidence we all gain when we know how to behave in every area of society.
Many years ago, when the cost of building houses became cheaper (this is not the case anymore) larger houses were built. In the 19th century and before, most houses were just two rooms up stairs and two rooms down stairs. It didn’t matter that people had many children. The girls shared one room and the boys the other. When they finally got themselves a job they quickly moved out and found their own accommodation. In the early twentieth century, houses became larger, bathrooms were built inside the house (not the toilet that was still out the back), and quite often there were three bedrooms instead of two. Everything changed after the economy improved at the end of the Second World War. Houses were cheaper to build because of the improvement in technology. This meant for the same price, a large home could be purchased. A thing called a family room was added. Why? Well, the advertising said, the parents could now use the Lounge room while the children used the family room. This gave the parents a chance to watch the TV programs they wanted and the children what they wanted to see.
Did it happen that way? Of course not. Everyone used the Family room, the Lounge and the Dining room were only used on important occasions. To save heating and cooling when it was cold or too hot the Family room became the main room of the house with the television, and before you knew if, the whole family were taking their meals into that room and eating off their laps.
Before the Family room, everyone sat around the dining table to eat. Children were taught not to lean their elbows on the table while eating, nor to speak while they had food in their mouth and heaven forbid if one chewed with their mouth open. Children were also taught to join in conversations, listen to what was being said and after a while they learned from those conversations and found it easy to join in. After the introduction of the Family room everyone was so fixed on the TV screen, parents didn’t correct children for their eating habits, nor was their any conversation. Suddenly many children lost the art of manners. Suddenly the children of the western world were growing up with less confidence, not able to hold a conversation with adults and with no idea how to behave at the table when eating. A sad state of affairs.
So, what do we have now? A large selection of society who have never been taught anything about manners so not passing that ability on to their children and the following generations.
The interesting thing about the success of the Chinese Ladies who were taught by June Dally-Watkins they must be horrified when they turn up at important functions and discover this new society of westerners who don’t have manners and display their ignorance at meal time.
Should we all be taught manners? I believe so. Should we go back to eating our meals around the dining table? I really think it is a great idea. Does Western Society need to go back to the niceties of how all children were taught to behave a hundred years ago? I feel sure you will all agree with me that it surely would help. So many of our young people who don’t have a grounding in how to behave when they enter a room, or mix with older people don’t understand that it is that lack of knowledge that makes them frustrated and angry with the world.
Many schools are starting to add the June Dally-Watkins etiquette lessons to their curriculum. But it shouldn’t just be the schools. Time for Mum and Dad to step up and learn the correct way to behave themselves, then work with their children in making a new well balanced and behaved society, where everyone understands what to do.
Julie Finch-Scally ©
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