We are all born to die. Whether we like it or not, it will happen. Of course it is not only human beings, it is every living, breathing thing on this planet. If we are all born to die, why is there such a fear of dying amongst many people?
Having been a regular church goer when younger, I was always upset by sermons when the congregation was told about hell, and how we would suffer. The reasoning behind all the horrible descriptions, I believe, was to make people turn away from sin and try to be good. I don’t think it worked. The MAFIA criminals were all good Catholics and attending church every Sunday. They were often shown on the television News, leaving large churches and shaking the priest’s hand. Maybe they thought the money they put into the collection plate would buy them a place in heaven.
Being told, when a child we were born with sin, and unless we were good, we would go to hell, must have had a strong impact on those children taken to church by their parents every week. I can understand the children growing up thinking they could go to hell, and be frightened of dying. But the look of peace on a dead person’s face doesn’t show fear, it shows contentment. So somewhere people are getting the wrong message.
As people age, they realise they are not long for this world. They are not unhappy about dying. It seems to be the younger people who fear death. I can understand them not wanting their close friend, relatives and parents dying. But as I said at the beginning of this article. We all will die eventually. And as you get older and tired, the thought of staying alive, especially when all your friends have already died, and you know the only people at your funeral will be your younger relatives, seems to give more of a desire to die than being kept living.
Death after a long illness sems a relief. Those who have stayed with a sick person through the final hours, will tell you about the relaxed look of peace on the dead person’s face. No mask of misery. Just a feint trace of happiness. If the dead look peaceful then why do so many fear death?
This might not be the case when a person dies in an accident. And I have had people tell me of seeing a look of horror on a dead person who just died in a fatal crash. But the horror would not be the fear of dying, it would be the horror of realising what was happening? And maybe that is the fear we are discussing.
Discussions about death with my friends always brings up the fact we would all like to die in our sleep. That way it would be peaceful. My Father died that way, while in hospital after and operation. The nurse found him when doing a routine check. But my Mum was sitting in a chair in a home. She’d just finished breakfast, and coughed up a little bit of food, and died. Just like that.
Now there are a couple of interesting things about my Parent’s death. I might have mentioned this before, that my mother was blind. I was staying at their place to look after Mum while Dad was in hospital. I had a week off from work, so when Dad died, I had time to help out with funeral arrangements and sort out things for Mum. Perfect timing. When Mum died, she had cleared up all sorts of outstanding things she knew she wanted to finish. She still had a letter in the typewriter (yes, she could type) partially written, but that was all. Her house had been sold, the furniture had been distributed to where she wanted it to go, and she’d even contacted a cousin in England to arrange accommodation for one of the grandchildren who was about to travel there. Again, perfect timing.
The death of my parents made me feel they were in control and they died when they were ready. I was available to stay with Mum and sort everything out for her, and Mum had sorted everything out for herself.
So, death is not scary. Even if people are suffering due to illness, most hospitals provide pain free medication, and generally families are called to be with them in those last moments. I realise in places where wars are taking place, this is not always the case, but like my Mum and Dad I believe most of us are given the option to die when we want. People who lose their lives in accidents die for a reason and the suddenness of it means there is no pain. If injured a choice is given. Many people have been badly injured and gone on to live, but seem to have a reason to carry on with their life.
Maybe that’s what death is all about. It is the end of your life on earth, but the memories you have generated live on. I believe in reincarnation, which means those who die come back as someone else. Maybe there are some new souls being born, but most would have been here before. And with the increase in the world’s population maybe we are back and forward on this earth more often than we realise.
So, if you have always been scared of death. Don’t be. It is part of living. You didn’t ask to be born, and your life has been interesting, so just think how interesting death will be.
Julie Finch-Scally ©
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