Marriage

A marriage certificate Is not a receipt of purchase.  It is a signed partnership agreement.  As such it is a legal document that lasts until one partner dies, or is legally cancelled.  If cancelled a division is required of all assets to be equally shared or one partner must buy the other out of their shared possessions.

Because a Marriage Certificate is a partnership agreement and a legal document, each partner has equal rights and is required to give equal commitment as well as bear equal responsibility.  How this is divided is up to the couple.

Over the centuries men have acted, and been told, by many religions, they own their wives.  There have even been times when men have had several wives, which they believed they owned.  This belief of granting the man possession has led to some terrible results in marriages.  Men generally being stronger, use that strength to enforce the way they want their wife to behave.  As far as those men are concerned there is no such thing as equality.  They are the dominant person in the marriage.

There is a difference between males and females, one can have children and the other can only help make them.  But they do think differently?  Not really. The thought that the male is the bread winner and the little lady is there to do his bidding and take care of the family only exists because it has been allowed to. 

There is no difference in capability.  A woman as well as a man can be educated, can handle complex problems, can make and create items out of any material and in some cases achieve more than a man.  The one thing women cannot do as well, is lift heavy items.  Men are definitely stronger than women, but that is about it.  Even this is debatable, especially when you see women carrying young children on their hip.  Men can also knit and sew, keep a house clean and bring up children as well as most women.  So where is there a difference?

Because of this lack of difference, men and women can make a team and work together to improve their lives.  They can share the work load.  Obviously, each has a different gift and can outperform in one area, so if each works on the area in which they excel it makes an excellent combination and creates harmony. 

Strangely enough, quite often one of the partners in the marriage is more dominant.  If this is the case, this doesn’t give the dominant person the right to push their partner around, or make them do what that person doesn’t want to do.  It is the opportunity for the dominant person to encourage the weaker partner to gain more confidence and learn how to work together.

This does not mean couples will not argue, because there will always be some incident on which they disagree.  That is when compromising works. 

My husband is a better cook than me.  We didn’t discover this until one year I was not well, and he had to cook the Christmas dinner.  He did such a good job he now cooks the Christmas Dinner every year.  Of course I can still cook, and that is where we can have arguments.  I cook one way and he can always see what, to him, I am doing wrong.  But I have used my method since I started cooking and I prefer to keep it that way.  We have learned to compromise.  He now sits and works on his computer while I cook and only helps when I ask him to.  Less arguments and still an enjoyable meal.

Problems do occur when raising children.  Each person remembers how they were brought up and usually follow the same routine.  This can cause arguments, especially when different nationalities are involved.  My husband and I were brought up in the same country.  We didn’t meet until we were adults in Australia, but we had the same background in bringing up a child.  This is not always the case.  And then the compromise required between the parents is necessary.  The couple have to

come to an agreement as to what they would like to see their children achieve, and work out, from each side, which are the best methods.

Marriage was introduced so couples could live in harmony.  It also made sure the couple were responsible for each other. But there is another reason, and this is all to do with inheritance.  Once you are married there is no argument as to who are your heirs.  Whereas many men who have had children to other women than their wives, have off spring that, by law, are not considered part of the family.  Thereby not entitled to any inheritance.  There are legal procedures being used of recent times where wills are contested, but the legalities still remain.

Marriages don’t always work and breakdowns occur, but for those of us who create a happy relationship and work at keeping the harmony it is a wonderful institution.  It is also a means of security for each of the partners as well as the children.

Once the children have grown and left home, leaving the couple on their own, marriages either improve or become discordant.  This sometime is due to the children being more important than the marriage.  Having children should not be the sole reason for being married.  Children will always grow up and move on. 

If a couple develops their marriage as a partnership, they will keep growing that way.  They will work together to bring up the children but still enjoy each other’s company.  The longer you practice the partnership the stronger it will grow and when the children leave home, you will still have each other. 

So, marriage is a fine institution.  It is a partnership that gives confidence to the couple, security to their children, and helps develop a happy home.  If this is not the case, and the relationship breaks down, then the couple need to be honest with each other.  Especially if there are children involved.  Young children quite often think they have done something wrong and caused the problem. 

If the couple decide to part and divorce then this is the hardest part.  Making sure the children still feel safe and can find comfort with either partner.  There have been cases where blame has been laid on the other partner to try and win favour of the child.  If there is no truth in what is being said, the child will soon work out that it is a lie, which generally leads to them taking sides.  Not a good ending.

My marriage has lasted over 50 years.  I didn’t think when my husband and I took our vows that we would ever get to this age and achieve such a long-lasting marriage.  We have and we are still in a great partnership.  Once you find the right person, to enjoy the rest of your life with, make it a great partnership and enjoy your life together. 

Please join me again next week, when I continue the theme of Families as part of the World at War with Itself, blog.

Julie Finch-Scally ©